Why I Tattooed Myself

Ever since I was a kid, I have always been fond of tattoos. Maybe it's cause I related them to "bad boys"- something I foolishly always aimed to be. My parents were shocked when I showed them my first tattoo at the age of 18. Hell, my dad nearly took me out of his will. When I got my 2nd one, he cried and wouldn't talk to me. Since then, he has accepted them and told me he actually liked my last one # Letsgo! In my opinion, they should have seen this coming; skateboarding & drumming in my band where two of my favorite hobbies as a teenager. Not at all stereotyping either activity but let's be real, if you do both... you're probably going to end up with a tattoo or twelve.

Tonight, I got my 8th tattoo. However, it's my first ever stick n poke! Huge shoutout to my friend, Madz Mosher for tattooing me! As I sat there, watching my friend continuously stab me- I was taken back to a road trip I took this summer... where the inspiration behind my tattoo came from- not that I was stabbed multiple times on this specific adventure.

My best friend and I hit 19 states in about 24 days - We started the adventure in Indianapolis, the place I now call home, & drove 16 straight hours to Colorado. I remember driving through Kansas for what felt like 2 days. Everywhere we'd look, all we could see were fields & flatland. Out of no where, the terrain began drastically changing; flatlands turned into mountains in just a matter of minutes. Ryan (my friend on the road trip with me) and I imagined what it must of been like for the very first settlers of this land. They must have thought they had reached a heavenly realm of some sort. That, or they were pissed because their journey was a piece of cake until they came across these huge mountain ranges...

(Myself on the left, Ryan Yoder on the right & my super cool mom's Subaru in the middle.)

Anyways, we made it Colorado- spent a few days in Aspen and in Denver. Then, we continued on to Gardiner, MT- to meet up with a former employee of mine. His name is Rohan, he was working an internship for a rafting company in the city that bordered Yellowstone National Park. Rohan showed us the ways of the locals, giving us an amazing experience there. We summited mountains, went to employee parties, cooked and played games around giant campfires, bathed in thermogenic pools, the list goes on...

As the youngest of 4 boys, I never got to take many camping trips or road trips as a child- this was my first. I was born in California & I am told that we visited Yosemite and camped a few times... but I don't have any memories of it. Maybe that is why seeing these mountains and walking alongside of something so wild made feel like a kid again - so happy & so free! I had never seen something so vast and so memorizing. After spending 4 days in Yellowstone, we packed up the Subaru and slowly made our way to California. My mind continued to be overwhelmed at each stop: Lake Tahoe, Santa Cruz, Bixby Canyon Bridge, Big Sur, Nacimento Road, etc. We finally made our way to Los Angeles, where we picked up one of our dearest friends, Devin.

This was really cool for me because Devin had played a huge part in the personal development I have made over the last few years. He has a rare way of staying true to himself no matter what, regardless of what everyone around him is doing. I have known the guy since middle school, we were in our first band together. He actually is one of the people who is responsible for my nickname, Pattycaked. He's that one friend that had a dream back in 8th grade and is still fighting for that same dream 10+ years later, never settling or backing down- It truly is inspiring and refreshing. The 3 of us lived together for the last year of college along with our friend, Jon (who we stayed with in Aspen). Now you have a bit of an idea as to how awesome it was that the 3 of us were able to make this happen.

We picked up Devin at LAX on the Centennial of the National Parks. How cool? After fighting traffic for hours, we finally made our way to Joshua Tree National Park as the darkness of night fell all around us. The campsite was gorgeous! By far the most spacious campsite we camped at during this trip. We set up camp, got settled in & cracked open a few beers- we made it! We told Dev stories from the previous 2 weeks on the road, he shared ideas of what he hoped to accomplish in the days ahead. We sat around a fire, Rolling Rocks in hand & reminisced on memories for the year that we lived under the same roof. It was one of the best nights I've had in years.

The thought of celebrating the 100 year anniversary in one of the coolest National Parks this nation has to offer was so freaking cool! There I was, laying on a picnic table, looking up at the stars with 2 of my closest friends- Life had never felt so good. The last few years had been absolute hell for me. Shit really hit the fan in my life and I was constantly juggling way too many things while trying to keep up this facade that everything was perfect. What I loved most about this night is that these 2 guys knew the real me- the pain, the struggle, the insecurities, the doubt and the fear. They also had an idea of what I want(ed) out of life, who I wanted to be. The road trip had been amazing so far- so many experiences that I couldn't quite fathom.

(Me, Devin & Ry in Joshua Tree.)

Many people would say that they got lost in the stars... but for the first time in what felt like years, I found a part of me. There I was, in the middle of a Southern California desert, surrounded by nothing but two of my best friends and a ridiculous amount of sand and cacti. For a moment, I felt something so new to me- Peace. I had never seen anything like this before. Shooting star after shooting star, the sky above danced for us. It's as if the stars knew that we were watching - so they put on a show for us. While I looked up, I heard a voice speak to me... "I made this for you." I thought that it was the Rolling Rocks talking to me at first... I kept my gaze on one specific star for a handful of minutes, hoping I would hear that voice again; Sure enough, I did. "Just look up. I made this for you." Is what kept ringing through my ears. I found God on top of a picnic table engulfed in a desert.

(Photo of Joshua Tree Campsite by Ryan Yoder)

I came to in the living room of Maddie's apartment, lost in the movements of a lava lamp placed on the window sill. I looked at the progress of my tattoo, confident that it had to be finished by now- nope. Only a few minutes had passed since I took a trip down good ole memory lane.

Joshua 8:18 goes something like this: Joshua and his army were pursuing Ai, waiting for God's signal to take the city. The Lord spoke to Joshua saying something like, "take the spear in your hand and point it at Ai, for I will delivery the city into your hands." Joshua did as he was told and sure enough, the ambush worked, the city was his! (That's my paraphrased version of the NIV translation.) Do you ever feel you are called to do something but it just sounds impossible? You want to believe that voice you heard but there's no way that God would actually be talking to you... This is how I felt atop of that picnic table in Joshua Tree.

I marked my body with a Joshua Tree. To be honest, they are kind of ugly trees but it's very unique. It derived its name as an analogy of Joshua reaching his hands to the heavens, receiving God's direction. I am sure that he was not 4 beers deep on a picnic table in a desert... but hey, God moves in mysterious ways, right? I chose this tattoo because I never want to forget that moment, the first time in years that I felt God's presence; the first time that He chose to speak to me.

Thanks for reading my thoughts and stories. Hopefully I get better at this whole storytelling thing as time progresses- after all, it's gotta be in my blood somewhere....

Love you guys.

#tattoo #ink #art #friends #roadtrip #adventure